He may not have formed other triggers for expressing his own acceptance and love so he is dependent on a woman for a trigger. When he imagines that her attention is on someone or something other than himself, he reacts with fear. The majority of the fear is not about losing the woman as he might falsely believe. The majority of the fear is about avoiding the emotional pain he creates in his mind with the Hidden Image.
Without her attention, his Hidden Image beliefs become active.
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His emotion of unworthiness and unhappiness follows his paradigm of beliefs and point of view. It is the mechanism he knows for avoiding his emotionally unpleasant Hidden Image beliefs. He is not aware that it is the expression of love and acceptance that is the means to change his emotional state. When we were punished as children, anger often accompanied that punishment. Sometimes just harsh words were enough to get us to change a behavior. At a very minimum when someone was angry at us, it got our attention.
The jealous man uses anger towards his partner in order to get and control her attention. Anger also works as a punishment with the result of inflicting emotional pain on the woman.
Why Am I So Angry At My Husband?
By punishing the woman with anger the woman may change her behavior in order to avoid emotional punishment in the future. But his behavior of anger is the result of a false belief paradigm. With his anger the man gets the opposite result that he was conditioned to get as a child. An adult generally has more power to resist the punishment of anger than does a child. The woman will withdraw from him because of her tendency to avoid the emotionally unpleasant. Her withdrawal will then activate his Hidden Image beliefs that he was working to avoid. This is emotionally painful.
After a jealousy and anger incident, there is an opportunity to look at and analyze the events. For the jealous man, this time can often be more painful emotionally. This is when his self judgment can be at its worst. The man plays over in his mind the behavior of anger and control. However, now it is reviewed from the view point of the Inner Judge in his mind. The Inner Judge does the analysis and condemns him.
Based on the Projected Image standard he can only conclude he is a failure and not good enough. Accepting and believing this judgment, results in the man feeling unworthy, guilt, and shame. The belief, emotion, and point of view of the Hidden Image character is reinforced. The Inner Judge does not give the man a fair trial. It is a hanging Judge. The man is at the mercy of forces in his mind that he has not been trained to see and deal with. With awareness of these forces and some specific practice he can begin to get control over his emotional state.
The principle problem in the analysis is that the man studies the events from the point of view of judgment. Judgment adds to the rejection. It also operates to reinforce the belief in the standard of Perfection. This point of view reinforces the Hidden Image, and the Projected Image beliefs which are part of the core cause. The very part of our mind that is doing the analysis is actually reinforcing the core causes.
Anger - Wikipedia
He does not see that the Projected Image is formed in his imagination. Anger and jealousy will not endear someone to be closer to us. He can see the woman withdraw from him as a result of his behavior. Yet seeing the result and knowing this intellectually does not change the dynamics of his behavior. His behavior is not driven by thinking, logic or intellectual knowing. Therefore it can not be changed by these modalities. If we are to change our behavior, we must address these fundamental elements in a manner different than plain intellect and logic. Why use an approach different than intellect and logic?
The Inner Judge will use intellect and logic to create judgments and reinforce the existing false beliefs. Changing beliefs, emotional reactions, and destructive behaviors is through mastering your point of view, attention, and dissolving the false beliefs in your mind.
When you learn to shift your Point of View you can literally move your self out of a Belief and out of an emotion. From a new point of view you will have the awareness to see the faulty logic of the beliefs behind the behavior. With the awareness of the false beliefs behind your actions you will be able to refrain from destructive behavior. Eliminating the false beliefs eliminates the triggers of your emotions. It is the elimination of the false beliefs that will dissolve the fear.
If you have enough desire to change a jealous and angry behavior you will eventually have to do more than study the problem.
- Dealing with AngerGod's Way | Everyday Answers - Joyce Meyer?
- How To Overcome Negative Emotions With The Power Of Mindfulness;
- Staying On;
- The Fall of Interpretation,Philosophical Foundations for a Creational Hermeneutic?
- 1. Do the opposite of anger!
You will have to take action. I suggest beginning with the free audio sessions. Listen to the information and practice the exercises for a few days each and see what you learn. You can sign up for free. No credit card information is necessary. What makes you Happy in Relationships? You are much larger than that. Think of embracing your difficult emotion in your arms just like a mother holding her upset child. Acknowledge that all emotions are impermanent. They arise, stay for a while and then disappear.
They come and go in you, like waves in the sea, cresting and receding. Your task is simply to allow this current wave to be and to witness, with patience, as it continuously changes form and eventually disappears. We often take emotions especially negative ones very personally. But mindfulness invites us to view them as simply mental events passing through- temporary waves in our ocean of awareness. What do I need? When you are calm enough, you can look deeply into your emotion to understand what has brought it about and what is causing your discomfort.
It may be that particular kinds of thoughts were the cause.
You may have been worrying unnecessarily about something or someone and that generated feelings of anxiety. Perhaps you were ruminating on a random comment a colleague said last week and it created anger or embarrassment. You may also find that you have particular values, beliefs, expectations and judgments about how you should behave or be seen by others that contributed to the emotion. Perhaps an event has happened and your response is perfectly natural or perhaps an old habitual reaction. Allow the light of your mindful awareness to help you gain insights into the emotion.
You may then reflect on how you want to respond to what is happening. This may take the form of simply realizing that your thoughts are not reality and therefore not taking them seriously. It could be that the simple embracing of the emotion is all you need to do for now, or it could be that a response is needed to a situation that has arisen in your daily life.
S Are you suffering under the weight of negative thinking? I had been having a very calm and quite interesting day. Firstly, I was listening to someone speak about the amount of money he spent purchasing some items, and how he donated a significant sum of money for a charity cause. And I quietly thought to myself, when would I be able to do something similar. The next discussion that came up was payment for some dues. Because of the deadline attachee to the dues, I then decided to think of how I could find a solution to paying it.
Everyone says that emotions come and go like a wave, just be present and all that. My experience is that turning towards it only escalates it and intensifies it and leads to strong desires to act on my feelings in negative ways and the only way out is to turn it off and force myself to do something else. Hi Sharon, thanks for your comment.
An attitude of curiosity, acceptance, warmth and one infused with compassion. In this space we have the power to choose a response to it. We will perhaps intensify it by following and listening and playing it out.
How to Use Mindfulness to Work with Negative Emotions
In mindfulness we begin to change our relationship to challenging thoughts and emotions and over time our capacity to respond with kindness, warmth and wisdom grows and grows. Time for resting and healing and more resting :. I really appreciate the part of this that talks about sitting with the emotions and then realizing that they are not permanent.
Emotions do not define us. Hey Melli. Just to let you know that I have been doing something which sounds incredibly similar to what you do. It works a treat! In this case, the more we are mindful, the more we will benefit from mindfulness practice. I am getting there and I can feel within myself that I will grow from strength to strength.
Your email address will not be published. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. How to become clear on our values and become more aware, more mindful? Seek those who fan your flames.